Without a doubt one of the basic human needs is to be loved. This is true for people of every age. It is a universal need that knows no geographic or demographic boundaries. Some categories, however, may seem more lovable. For instance, when I go to visit my daughter and she extends for holding her youngest, a 7 week old girl, my heart melts and I'm more than eager to hold this little one close, cradling her in my massive hands and arms. Nestled there she seems content, and she sleeps quietly, moving only occasionally having to yawn or stretch.
On the other hand, when I visited my mother of over 98 years, it seemed, for all kinds reasons, that it was harder to express my love for her as a protective supportive person. If there was a need yearning to be filled, however, it was her continued need to be loved and cared for. With all of her knowledge, life experience, and accumulated wisdom she often expressed the joy and comfort that came from my just being there. She was most content when I would visit, even though in many cases after our initial bursts of greeting and conversation, I would drift off in a typical armchair snooze, while she slipped into her own wheelchair nap.
Caregivers of all kinds seem to be given an awareness of this universal need. Being aware, however, does not make more time to be able to extend the love that is needed. And here comes the problem of loving service among us: the lack of time to sufficiently fill the needs of love among us.
What we lack in time, therefore, must be made up in the quality of care, or love extension. Or so we are told to believe. Working parents cut short their time of bonding to return to the work force, and the little ones we have brought into this world are remanded to the custody of a day care provider. At the other end of the spectrum, when our parents or aged relatives need custodial care, we shuffle them off in the specialized expression of human kindness that is available through the professioinally trained care-giver who do their best work within the confines of a specially designed facitility. We express our love, perhaps through financial support and ocassiona burst of concentrated attention by paying a visit, sending a card, or hiring some special service or equipment to be enjoyed or endured by our folks.
In both caes, that is, at both ends of the life course, however, it would seem that those who are being cared for, the very young and the very old, take less comfort from care-giving costs, deriving more comfort and love from the quanitity of care rather than the quality of it. If a lesson is to be learned from this oberservation, perhpas it is this: we ought to be more concerned as caregivers with the quantity of time given to those in need of love, compassion and mercy than we currently feel approriate or feasible. I know that an extra minute here or there is cumulative, but the returns appear to be incalculable when it comes to the enormity of the benefits for those being loved and cared for.
I am reminded, too, that there is an even more precious message to be conveyed by our spending more time with our loved ones, it is clearly expressed by the psalmist in Psalm 130:7. "...for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption."
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